Something you’re currently worrying about
I’ve been doing fairly “easy” topics for this blog challenge so far, but since I have more time to focus on my posts today, I feel like I want to open up a bit more. I’m weary about writing something personal, so be kind ok? 🙂
I’m currently worrying about going to my Uncle’s 70th birthday celebration. Sounds weird to be worried about going to a party, but it’s because my dad will likely be there. I get a big knot in my stomach thinking about having to interact with him. I haven’t seen him in at least 3 years, when one of my other uncles came to visit from the States. We’ve always had a weird relationship. I barely talked to him even when I lived with him. For the majority of my childhood, he worked in a factory on the afternoon shift, from 3pm to 11pm, Monday to Friday. Since I was in school, it meant I didn’t see him much. On the weekends he went to his “other job” (which was more of a hobby that he got some money for) and worked most of the day painting cars at a friends shop. When he came home at night, he would watch tv. And that was his life. There wasn’t much going on between him and his family. He never came to sporting events, school plays, or anything that was happening in our personal lives. He claims it was because he was working so hard to support us, but I feel like he used work as an excuse to get out of these things that were important to us.
He is a really negative person, and was very emotionally abusive to our family, but mostly my mom. I had to learn at too young of an age that he was never going to be the kind of dad I needed or wanted (which was simply someone who showed me love in the ways a kid needs it). When I got married last summer, I had to make a tough decision. Do I invite him to the wedding? After debating back and forth about it for a little less than a year, talking to other brides dealing with similar issues, weighing the pros and cons with family, I took the advice of a fellow bride on a Facebook group who said “Imagine looking out at all the people you’ve invited to your wedding, seeing each of their faces. If any of them make you feel anything but happiness, don’t invite them” So I tried this exercise, and came to the decision that I wouldn’t invite him. And even after I made the choice I flip flopped back and forth in my head. My brother gave me some sound advice as well, that related specifically to my dad, and said that if I invited him, he would expect to do all the traditional roles (father-daughter dance, walking me down the aisle, etc), and I never intended for him to do those things even if he was invited. So that just sealed the deal for me.
When I was engaged in August of 2015, I decided to hand write my dad a letter. I have a hard time talking to him face to face about our relationship. I knew I could put my feelings on paper and edit them until I was happy with how it sounded. The letter took me about a month to write. I finally sent it, and waited. And waited. And waited. Finally after 7 months (and only 3 months before the wedding), he sent me an email. No hand written reply, but an email. In it, he did apologize for some things I called him out on, which was pretty surprising because I don’t think he’s ever apologized. Ever. I wrote back to the email, telling him that this was a good start, but that more needed to be done to repair our relationship. And since then, I have heard nothing. I don’t know if he thinks everything is peachy now that he typed the word ‘sorry’ a few times, but it was not enough, and I clarified that. I don’t understand how he thinks sometimes, but I know from a little birdy that he was expecting an invitation to the wedding. I’m pretty certain when it didn’t come, he started to play the victim again, saying he tried to make things right, but I didn’t even invite him to his own daughters wedding.
This struggle will probably be ongoing, but I’m trying the best that I can to deal with it in the way that works for me. There are people that believe that just because he is my father, we should work things out, but is it really worth having a toxic parent in my life? I don’t think relationships should be forced just because of who the person is to you.
And now to lighten the mood a little…
Favourite movies you never tire of watching
I own a pretty small movie collection, especially compared to my husband, but I really only buy movies that I love. I’ll go through a few from different genres that are always a good watch…
Away We Go – This one is a comedic tear jerker starring Maya Rudolph and John Krasinski, and is perfect when you want to watch something that will warm your heart. A “chick flick” really, but one that guys will enjoy too because it’s not just a boy meets girl story. I will watch anything with either of these talented actors in it though!
Joyride – A suspenseful thriller with some comedic relief from Steve Zahn, also starring the late Paul Walker. They play brothers, one a college bro on spring break, one a recently released from jail prankster, who pick up an old childhood friend (Leelee Sobieski) on their way back home. They start messing with a CB radio and get themselves into trouble with an angry trucker. It sounds horrible as I type it out but I swear it’s a fun movie. And I just learned that they made Joy Ride 2 and 3 that would be fun to watch and laugh at how bad they are, by the looks of the trailers.
The Island – I can’t even explain why, but I will watch this movie anytime I see it is on, from any point in the movie even if it’s almost done. It’s a futuristic thriller that really makes you wonder if this is where our world could be heading to, in both technology and healthcare.
Just Friends – I adore Ryan Reynolds. I think he is hilarious and wildly entertaining. And handsome to boot! This movie also has Anna Faris in it, so you really cannot go wrong in a comedy with those two. It’s my go to “Christmas movie”, but that’s only because it takes place around Christmas time, not that it has a Christmas theme. You know, like how some guys claim Die Hard is a Christmas movie. I will watch it anytime though, and I quote lines from it on an almost daily basis.